I write this as I am sitting on the top of a mountain that overlooks the Tijuana City Dump known as “the canyon.” I am overwhelmed by so many emotions that I don’t even know where to start…so I guess “lets start at the very beginning–a very good place to start” as Julie Andrews would say.
My life was changed in Mexico almost exactly 4 years ago. In some ways I can’t believe it has been so long because it feels like yesterday, and in other ways, it feels like an eternity. God convicted me of my sins, and told me to “go and sin no more.” I was changed. I was a new creation. I would never be the same. I was starting a journey. I had no idea where God was going to take me. Even though it feels like it was just yesterday, it also seems like an eternity. Weird how that is, isn’t it? But you know what I mean.
The summer after Mexico, Tony and I got married, and then he decided to go to Mexico with me. I love him so much because he loved Mexico before he even went because he knew how much it meant to me. 2 yrs ago this time, was when we were about to step out on a limb for Jesus and bring Danny to our home. It was just a short visit at first, but we knew it would be longer term in the summer. So many people told us not to do it. Don’t bring a “grown man” into your home. What if you get pregnant, what if he hurts you? What if he could hurt your baby? What if he does drugs? And SO MANY other ridiculous statements. But Tony and I stood together that we felt God has called us to bring Danny into our family.
He lived with us for a year, and I cannot tell you how blessed we were to be able to have him in our home. It has now been 6 months since he lived with us, and I still love him as though he were my own child. This trip was particularly special because we were going to be able to see him again. I know that most people don’t understand our family–and that is ok. We have a love that is deeper than most people will ever experience. When Danny and I went out to eat right before I took him to the airport. I cried so much because I was so sad that Dahlia wouldn’t grow up knowing him as her older brother. She wouldn’t understand our relationship, and she wouldn’t know how much we loved Danny before we even knew we could have kids. But let me tell you how absolutely BLESSED I was when Dahlia went to Danny like he had always been there. They were connected immediately…like they already knew they were family.
While in Mexico we got the text that we were chosen by the county to be foster parents to two little kiddos. I am so overwhelmed because I cannot believe how blessed we are. 2 yrs ago we were struggling after our second miscarriage, and didn’t know if we would ever be able to have kids–and here with are with Danny, Dahlia, and 2 more kids to love. Yes, I know that they are foster kids that I might never be able to adopt, but that doesn’t mean that God hasn’t given me an amazing opportunity to love on these kids as though they are my own. So here we are–just a few days left with our Danny, and yet so excited at the prospect of these 2 new kids.
Ok….Kandalyn…get to your point. Where are you going with this?
Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone. Sometimes you have to go against the grid. Sometimes you have to do what everyone else thinks is crazy to get truly blessed by God. God calls us to do CRAZY things sometimes, and if we are just crazy enough to listen….our lives will be changed.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Back to what I was saying about sitting on the side of a mountain…Today we climbed up the side of a mountain, and Dahlia was on my back. 2 years ago when I came, I could barely make it up to Javier’s house (about half as far as we went today). I was 20 lbs heavier, so I really wanted to be able to carry that weight (Dahlia) and prove to myself that my health is important to not only me, but to my family.
I want to be brave. I want to be able to go on adventures with my family. I want to be an example to my kids that we can do anything “through Christ who strengthens me.” I don’t want to hold back. I don’t want to miss out on the view because I was too scared. I don’t want to miss out on adventures because I didn’t believe enough in myself to go on them. I want to take kids into my home and love them, knowing the kids could easily be taken from me and given back to the bio parents, because even though my heart was broken like never before when Danny moved back to Mexico…it was worth it. It was worth the pain to have a love that surpasses distance.
What is holding you back? What are you scared to do?