It is very common whenever I talk about adoption for someone to bring up what every adopted mom dreads..."I just don't know if I could love an adopted child the same way I love my biological children. How do you do it?"
I think it is only fair to answer this question very honestly...no. No, I do not love Selah the same way that I love Dahlia. But I also do not love Ace the same way that I love Eli. Every single child is special and different--God created each of them with their own personalities, their own quirkiness, and He made each of them so perfect in their own way.
I love that Dahlia is so tender and motherly to her siblings. She wants to take care of them, loves to sing to them, and is so kind hearted to the core. I worry that she will love people deeper than they love her back (which is a struggle that I have dealt with a lot in my life), but I know that God can use this gift of unconditional love to share with the masses of who Christ is in her life.
I love that Selah is fearless. She would climb anything, jump off of anything, and though she is tiny--she is mighty. Tony and I make jokes that if someone hurt Dahlia's feelings--Selah would beat them up. But even though she is so tough, she is also the one to cuddle first, run after you for one last hug, and beg you to sing just one more song to her. Our lives and our family wouldn't be the same without her. I don't even like to think about how different Dahlia would be without her best friend and sister.
I love that Ace loves to laugh. You pretty much can't find that kid in a bad mood (unless he is hungry and you aren't giving him food fast enough). He can light up any day, and seriously makes my world that much happier because he is in it. He also wants to be wherever Selah is, and secretly drives her nuts by "messing up" her toys that she so tenderly is playing with.
Elias is still just 2 weeks out of the womb, and I can't wait to get to know his little personality as he gets older. I dream of him and Ace being best friends like Selah and Dahlia, and I know that he is going to be so special. He is our last little baby (biological at least), so I try to treasure every second with him as a newborn, with nursing, his smell, and all of the wonderful things that make up a newborn.
As my husband always says, If you go into adoption to love the child--you will love them as your own. If you go into adoption thinking you are saving the child, you are missing out on what adoption is truly about. You can't save them. That is Jesus's job. But you sure as heck can love them.
I can take it one step further right? You won't judge. There is something extra special to me about adoption. Again, not that I love Selah more, but differently. For God to have entrusted us to parent, love, and take care of a child that was not birthed into our family is a gift that I will always be so extra thankful for. He knew that she was supposed to be our beautiful baby girl, and he allowed us to love her so deeply. I know that I am not the same person because she came into our lives, and I will be forever grateful for such a wonderful blessing.