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How to have a happier marriage

September 3, 2016

The morning flew fast with last minute decorating, getting my hair done, and the giggles of all of my bridesmaids could be heard throughout my parent’s house. I WAS GETTING MARRIED!!!  Not only was I getting married, but I was marrying Tony Green, the sweetest, hottest, man of God I have ever met.

 

The sun was shining (98 degrees to be exact!)  and nothing could get me down—even though I was slightly worried about all the people complaining about the heat.  “Dear Jesus, can you turn down the heater a little bit?”

 

We went back inside and I tried to PATIENTLY wait for 4:30 when I would walk down the aisle to marry the man of my dreams. At 4:15, Shari and Terry (my beautiful girls at the guest table) run inside holding the guest book soaking wet.  I ran to the window just in time to see all of the guests run to the barn out of the rain.  I couldn’t believe that the beautiful cloudless sky had become black without me even noticing.  I guess God answered my prayers about the heat! My older sister ran into the room and asked me if we wanted to switch it to the barn.

 

“Nah, if people don’t want to watch in the rain, then I guess they can wait in the barn, but I want to get married by the pond like we planned.”

 

It seemed as if everyone was very worried about if I was going to start a torrential downpour of tears as big as the storm outside.  My first thought was, “How could it be raining on the best day of my life?”  But then I thought, “Who cares?  I’m still marrying Tony today, rain or shine!”  The rain slowed down to a trickle, and the bridesmaids and groomsmen started to walk down the long path.  It seemed like forever until it was my turn to walk down the aisle, linked with my dad to get married to Tony Green. 

 

Since the path was so long, I walked for quite awhile, around each of the curves…when finally our eyes met.  All the nerves were gone, and I was all smiles.  I couldn’t believe that this was it–the day I had waited my whole life for.  I walked up the steps hand in hand with my dad, and he gave me away to be married.  The second that Tony grabbed my hand, he started squeezing my hand for the the next minute straight. In my family, if you want to say I love you while you are holding hands, you squeeze their hand 3 times…I knew it was Tony’s way of telling me that he loved me with all of his heart.  One of the best moments of my life.

 

We said our vows and promised to love each other no matter what. 

 

This weekend marked our 5 year anniversary, and I can tell you that we had NO IDEA what we were getting into. We didn't know that we would have 2 miscarriages, almost go bankrupt, lose jobs and family members, bring home our first son from an orphanage in Mexico, become foster and bio parents, and most importantly, we didn't know that we were going to become quite the team fighting to change the world together.

 

Ok--so here are my 5 tips for 5 years of marriage to make it "happier."

 

 

 

1. Don't compare your marriage to others. Whether that is a movie, or a friend's marriage. It will only steal your happiness.  Instead, focus on how you can grow your own relationship by building each other up. If you are both confident in yourself and your marriage--it will thrive.

 

2. Live selflessly.  It is so hard isn't it? But if both people are living to please the other person, than both are very happy.  As soon as we start thinking we "deserve" something..we lose sight of what matters.

 

3. Tell your spouse what you need. Especially if you are a woman (and anything like me) you think that your hubby should be able to read your mind. He should know when you want him to help with the kids, wash the dishes, or have sex right?!  WRONG. Guys don't get hints. Tell them straight out what you want and need so that they can fill it, and you aren't getting mad at them without them even knowing they are doing something wrong.

 

4. Forgive. No one is perfect, and we all say or do things we shouldn't. We love to bring back those hurtful times in the middle of a fight don't we? STOP IT. Forgive, and move on.  Holding a grudge is hurting you and your marriage.

 

5. MOST IMPORTANT. Pray for your spouse. Pray for their mind to stay crisp, pray they stay strong against temptations, pray for them to thrive at work, pray for them to be good moms or dads, pray for them to grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ, pray for them to be healthy, pray for your sex life to flourish, pray for their confidence.  You pretty much can't pray too much for your spouse.

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© 2016 by Kandalyn Green